Paradigms of interdependence

Up to this point we have gone over three habits that dealt with Private Victory, things that we should master on ourselves to be completely independent. Now it’s time to reach for interdependence which will be covered in the next three habits starting from next post, as for now, it is essential to have an introduction to Public Victory as the milestone for interdependence; effective interdependence can only be built on independence. Private Victory precedes Public Victory, self mastery and self discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others. You have to like yourself to like others, and you can only do that by knowing yourself and mastering yourself. It is not what we say or what we do that affects our relationships, it's what we are. Interdependence opens up worlds of possibilities for deep, rich, meaningful association.

The emotional bank account:
An emotional bank account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship, depositing through courtesy, kindness, honesty, keeping your commitments and building up a reserve.
When trust accounts are high, communication is easy, intense and effective. Building and repairing relationships takes time, it takes character to be proactive, to focus on your circle of influence.
Building and repairing relationships are long-term investments.

Six Major Deposits:


1-What is important to another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you. The golden rule is to do onto others as you would have others do onto you.

2-In relationships the little things are the big things. People are very tender, very sensitive inside. Age or experience makes no difference.

3-People tend to build hopes around promises, if for some reason you couldn’t keep the promise, explain the situation thoroughly to the person involved and ask to be released from the promise. If you cultivate the habit of always keeping the promises you make, you build bridges of trust that span the gaps of understanding between you and others.

4-Unclear expectations of rules and goals undermine communication and trust. We create many negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are understood and shared by others.

5-Integrity is conforming reality to our words; keeping promises and fulfilling expectations. One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is by being loyal to the ones that are not present, as well as, avoiding any communication that is deceptive, full of guilt, or beneath the dignity of others.

6-It takes great deal of character to apologize quickly out of ones heart rather than out of pity. People with little internal security can’t do it. In addition, they usually feel justified in what they did. “if you’re going to bow, bow low” says Eastern wisdom.

Leo Roskin taught: “it is the weak who are cruel, gentleness can only be expected from the strong”

The laws of love and the laws of life: