Saturday, October 16
A Poet is Yet to be Discovered
On oct.11, I posted a poem for an anonymous. One of the blogging friends; Purgatory72 commented with a poem that came to his mind after reading my post. As far as I know, this person has never tried to write poetry before, and what he wrote was just a mere feeling he put on paper right there and then. Personally, I'm not a fan of free styling poetry and to me if the poem does not rhyme, I do not feel it. And as for having the rank of (skilled level) as a critic, I always refrain from reviewing any free styling poetry. But I did relate to his poem and I thought that for the first piece this was excellent. So I thought I'd send it to the critics for judging the quality of his work, and I got the following reviews:
The poem:
the dove
The dove, white and pure, enters the room
three steps on the floor, across the hall
stares at the lady from below, wondering, poundering
who might she be, why is she so alone, why?
The dove, white and pure, jumps above
sitting on her shoulder, across her face
pinches the lady from aside, wondering, poundering
who might she be, why is she so alone, why?
The dove, white and pure, opens its wings
cloaks her face, across her eyes
Light, light, light, light, light
No more wondering, no more loneliness, no more, no more.... no more.
Copyright: Purgatory72, 2004
Critics review:
Review:
I like the dove and light but I do not understand its meaning. Keep trying. I would like to say that when I first started writing I was not so good but now I am here.
Rated:2/5
Reviewed by
Re'ann
(Scholar Level)
Review:
I love it! This has questions makes me think thought provoking me into action . expressions are so unique. I like rants and it is close Yes. awesome poem
Rated:5/5
Reviewed by
Nila
(National Judge Advocate)
Review:
I like this poem... i enjoyed reading it, although I don't see the meaning of it... it honestly leaves me blank
Rated:3/5
Reviewed by
kandiekane
(Talented Level)
Review:
This poem leaves me wondering...like the dove I need to ask why? I can pull no certain meaning from this piece and do not feel qualified to try.
Rated:2/5
Reviewed by
(Master Level)Krinnchic
Review:
i respect the effort... change "poundering" to "pondering"... the thing that held me to the context of the poem is the idea that the angel of death, or even the grim reaper, is now represented by a dove... good enough for me... great...
Rated: 4/5
Reviewed by
venancio
(Professional Level)
Review:
I like the dove and all but I think there need to be more understanding put in to the poem
Rated: 2/5
Reviewed by
sheaharts
(Experienced Level)
Review:
An interesting poem. It leaves one
wondering and pondering (check your spelling) just like the dove, so white and pure. It's not a bad poem, just a little
different than the norm. Always try different things - it helps you grow.
Rated: 4/5
Reviewed by
Bethie
(National Judge Advocate)
This is the ranks levels from lowest to highest:
Scholar Level
Experienced Level
Skilled level
Talented Level
Professional Level
Master Level
National Judge Advocate
Now I'm not going to say more Purg. Let the results speak for themselves.
And to those of you who feel that they have this ability and talent, and can appreciate the written word and have the yearning to pour out their feelings on a piece of paper, please don't be shy just do it, there is always a first time.
Ching ching
Name::AyyA
From::Kuwait
I AM WHO I AM AS I ARRIVE AT YOUR DOOR WHETHER I COME OR I GO IS NOT UP TO ME FOR I HAVE LOST SIGHT OF ALL DESIRE "Walled Garden of Truth",Hakim Sanai
View my complete profile
21 Comments:
Rabab,
Thanks for submitting my simple effort of space poetry to the critics. Surprised that I did not get a zero :) even the worst reviews gave me a 2 for effort. I am surprised that many liked it. Maybe I have a talent for poetry, but it comes with feelings, so its not something I can just write anytime I want.
And yes it was my first real effort, besides my kill kill kill poem :) which scared everyone away.
Thanks again :) I will get you some nice gift when I come the next time, assuming its not after another five years.
Dear P72
I like the term space poetry heheheee. Poetry always comes with feelings dear. And if you pay a close attention you'll see that the ones that hold the rank of National Judge Advocate are the ones that given you 4 and 5 stars, which is a very good accomplishment. I advise you to start writing to
www.poetry.com
Every time yanzil 3alaik elwa7i
Cheers my friend.
And thanx for the gift, my real gift will be to see you a poet one day, so I can say " I WAS THE ONE BEHIND HIM" nah…… just kidding, have a nice day.
Rabab,
Thanks again, and inshallah if I become famous, I will write a poem dedicated to you :)
Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak 2/5! Purg Maskhara! La just kidding, and just to show my good faith, here's my poem :P
Rabab if I became a famous poet WALLA! ok? WALLA! ga3da a7alif, I will ... I don't know what I will do but it will be good 9adgeenee haha
Ok here's my poem, it's very childish but I still think I'm a child at heart so here goes -
I watch the clock
it ticks and tocks
learning LEARNING
ignites my yearning
to go out and play
every which way
Paper airplanes fly here and there
I look at the the teacher, she does't care!
Tick Tock goes the clock
I stiffle a giggle, as she tucks in a squiggle
back into her chignon, and moves on
Quarter to two, I don't know about you
but I can't wait any longer
and it's not just about the hunger
She askes a question,
She calls on me,
the clock chimes TWO,
I run outside with glee!
Dedicated to my friend Rabab ^-^
Oh oh and it's called "Recess"
Adry, I know no shame :P
DG, if you notice the people who gave me high ratings were the highest qualified judges, the ones that gave me 2, were lower ranked. Besides, I did not even get a zero, so for my first poem, its a good effort
and this is for you :P
Not bad D&G got 2 revise it a bit though before sending it to critics of course with your permission.
Ok here is my revision:
Recess
I watch the clock
it ticks and tocks
learning learning
ignites my yearning
to go out and play
every which way
Paper airplanes
Fly here and there
I look at the teacher
She doesn't seem to care!
And tick tock tick tock
goes the clock
I stifle a giggle
As she tucks in a squiggle
back into her chignon
And moves on
And tick tock tick tock
goes the clock
Quarter to two
don't know about you
but I can't wait any longer
and it's not just about hunger
And tick tock tick tock
goes the clock
She asks a question,
She calls on me
the clock chimes TWO,
I run outside with glee!
No more tick and no more tuck
At this moment stops the clock
How do you like it, and do I have your permission to send?
Rabab,
Thank you for taking the time to get some reviews about purg.'s peom I too thought it was nice but truelly didnt expect thoes ratings :D, very nice of you dear allah ya36eech el3afiah.
& Purg. I think you are talented in writing ur poem was very nice & the story about the dragon hmm forgot the name ;P, but I loved it too soo keep it up :} maybe one day u will be something big. Good luck
Q80-Chill girl
Thanx dear
Believe me if I didn't feel that p72 had talents I wouldn't have bothered, I love his story tell tale style "spacey as he puts it", and I think he is a good poet if he puts his heart into it.
You don't have to ask my permission to send! You already have it! Besides, I'm the one whose supposed to be asking permission if it's okay that you would send it for me? :P So will you please send it? :P
Thanks for fixing it up!
I sure will, and sure you’ll will be in for a big surprise ;)
D&G
I will send the original copy
D&G
Done…. Signed, sealed and delivered. Now lets wait for the results… tick tock, tick tock
Thanks sugah! I can't wait! *bounces excitedly*
I bet you anything they're gonna say it's childish haha
How come you sent the original ma3ana you already fixed it up? :P
this was my suggestion as a critic, I rate you 3/5, latez3eleen this is very good for a beginer. I do that with others as well. but there are other qualities in your work than rhyme. so that's why I sent your original so that you will get all other's point of view and can fix it properly. as I belong to the old school of rhyming and can't relate much to the free style. let's see what is the outcome. I also commented that this is your first trial.
I think you only gave me a 3/5 because you are my friend. Otherwise, I would've gotten a 1/5 haha
I can't wait! *still bouncing in anticipation*
Purg my overall score is gonna be higher than yours. I'm positive. They'll say it's a childish poem but it's better than that Purg person's poem :P haha
D&G
I did not rate you just because you are my friend believe me, I have done some teaching before and some of them were my close friends. I always try to be fair regardless, I gave the poem that rating according to its substance and quality, bearing in mind that this is your first trial and the fact that you have not studied literature as a major. And I'm sure that some of the critics who are more qualified than me would give you a higher rating, just let's wait and see.
Tick tock tick tock
Rabab thats fun i loved the action
D&G your poem drew a smile on my face, do have more?
Mosan baby, yalla join the club, will you be the next?
DG,
ok
D&G
you got the first 5 stars, can't say any more
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