Monday, September 26
Male Sex PsychologyAlfie; a funny character, a gigolo and a womanizer that you’d fall in love with despite his character, he flies from one female nest to another, trying to get what he wants from each with special skills and wits, he is not a bad guy though, he loves all his women; each to a certain degree.. or was it?
As I was watching this movie my mind drifted away and I started thinking, how many men I’ve met in my life that did not have a part of Alfie in him? And to my surprise; hardly any! And some stay an Alfie all their lives.
And as the over rated wedding night is a dream comes true for women, so is Alfie to most men. Or to put it in a different phrase; women go primitively into a relationship to get married …..period, while most men would only go for a fling and any sign of commitment drives them away, and the Casanova remains uncommitted until the day he finds himself paying to get just a company of a female, any female, and I have witnessed a few that ended pathetically.
And that thought diverted me to male sex psychology; why is it easy for most men to fall in love with more than one woman while women can’t? So I tried to put myself in their shoes to be able to see the other side of the fence, or better yet wear their shoes, take their rules and apply them to me; a woman.
What if I had dated two or three men separately at the same time? Where no one of them knew about the other, but mind you, it’s not like I’d make out with one and *(&) the other the day after, no, more like when one disappears for some reason or another, there is a replacement and therefore no psychological attachment to any.
And the result; I’m the strongest in all the relationships and nothing can make me commit to any one of them, they all go by my rules.
That paragraph above didn’t sound very comforting, did it? But remember whose shoe I’m having on, so bear with me a bit longer.
As a woman I strive for committing to one, I date one and he’s my main man, but I have to abide by the rule; if I stay with him long enough, I’ll eventually get attached, so what do I need?.. a distraction.
Some might say get more involved in your business or find a hobby or something, but that doesn’t quite work, I need an equal distraction, I need another man, and remember I did not date the first man long enough to be in love or anything, I’m just beginning to get attached.
And so I date another after fabricating a fight with the first. A new face, a new look, new friends and most importantly; a new experience which has its own joy.
And when I really miss the first, by hook or crock, I get him back. But this time I come back stronger because I have guaranteed his replacement in case things did not work between us.
But as I stay longer with him my initial fear of attachment starts to grow again, so I start looking for…..my distraction or a new one.
Hmmmmmm
Could this be the reason behind the pagan that a man is emotionally equipped to have more than one wife and to be able to love them equally while woman can’t?
Could it be that between a handful of women a man dates he cares for all of them to a certain degree but psychologically is attached to one that he subconsciously fears and that’s why he has to keep himself …..distracted?
Does that explain why some happily married men still keep mistresses?
Is that why some other men panic at the first sign of commitment? Is it because they’re more committed mentally than what they want to believe?
Any brainstorming here?
Name::AyyA
From::Kuwait
I AM WHO I AM AS I ARRIVE AT YOUR DOOR WHETHER I COME OR I GO IS NOT UP TO ME FOR I HAVE LOST SIGHT OF ALL DESIRE "Walled Garden of Truth",Hakim Sanai
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14 Comments:
Dear Ayya,
Men have no psche, period. Therefore no sex psychology theories can explain their nonsensical mating habits.
You mentioned that women can't fall in love with more than one man, and I vehemently disagree.
I am sure in each and every female there is a Samantha, an Alfie's counterpart, that is waiting to be released from bondage.
Marriage and all the wedding paraphernalia are methods employed to force women to curb their Samanthian side, and to dupe them into believing that they are supposed to end up with the one and only mr.right, which is utter b*ll sh*t.
Mr.Right is a supernatural notion, an ideal, a figment created and perpetuated by patriarchal societies to force women into monogamy and thus secure a clear lineage that makes the distribution of wealth easy and hassle-free. And what's the sacrifice? - Women's bodies.
In short, and this goes to all women, date as many as you like, and whomever diagrees, yerga3 rasa bel 6oofa!
(evil shoshoian snigger)
Can I have my shoes back?
LOL Shosho
You cracked me up, but I wonder how many women especially from this region have your mentality ;)
Purgy
In a way I’m enjoying your shoes, I think I want to keep if for a while ;)
“Some of it is ego. There have been times when I've failed to tell women in time that I'm not interested, partly because its difficult, but also because it makes me feel good to know for sure that they were interested”
This statement above reminded me of last summer in Marbella with a Kuwaiti gorgeous male friend who was with us on our vacation. This guy could have had any beautiful Brazilian women who were all around us, but he was attracted to a courageous Arab girl whom was with a women only group. When we encouraged him to try his luck with her, another, less than attractive girl of the same group got hooked to him and she introduced him to her group. His intentions were and stayed the attractive girl, but the other girl was all over him, this became a nightmare for him and he bore us with his moaning and complains about her stupidity and her bad smell, until one day he surprised us all by saying that he slept with her and that he does not know why he did it.
And that got me thinking; would I do that if I were him? Would I go for a man just because he is all over me? Never, I would kill myself if that happened especially if I was not attracted to him.
And being a man or women would not make much difference if we are talking about chances; we are talking about Marbella where the most beautiful girls are around for a gorgeous Khaleeji guy to just pick.
Now where does ego come here?
And another thing I would like to add is that girls also like variety. Read Shosho’s comment above.
I think it is a fallacy to believe that only men are philanderers and women can only love one man at a time.
I do believe it depends on the personality and general upbringing and beliefs of the person.
There are some men who cannot envision themselves with any one but their own true love. Perhaps these are the men that 'go' early- they are committed in long term relationships before anyone has a chance to find them!
The ones who are left are those that like to play around. Some remain forever single; others marry to fulfill societal obligations and satisfy their egos (wife, children, home) and continue to roam, looking for more pleasure.
Women are traditionally more constrained by society and values but that does not mean that given equal status women would not play the field just as enthusiastically as her male counterpart...if that was part of her personality.
Ayya: Thank you for bringing this interesting issue up in the surface. Nice experience to be in men's shoes, hah? I can't agree more with shosho.
As for Tareq I'd like to tell him that we, women, also like variety... who doesn't? Oh and by the way, we have ego as well... who doesn't want to feel beautiful and attractive to the opposite sex? After all we are human being you know!
I'll share a little story here: I was traveling to Italy with my American girl friends. One night, while clubbing, the only married girl was being hit on by this gorgeous Italian guy, so we all went: go girl… go and get him… she was astonished by his beauty too… I mean he was GORGEOUS. But she stopped herself, by saying: I wouldn't do something to my husband that I wouldn't like him to do to me, so I guess that means NO . The intention was there, but she couldn't go through with it, out of respect to their holy bond. Now this is the key word RESPECT…. Here you have the difference between most men and most women (note that I'm not generalizing here). I also believe that this idea is enhanced by our societies. Why do we look different at a cheating wife than a cheating husband, when both are betraying the holy matrimony?
Purgatory: How do your purgatorian shoes look like?
“There are some men who cannot envision themselves with any one but their own true love. Perhaps these are the men that 'go' early- they are committed in long term relationships before anyone has a chance to find them! “
Well do you know any? I personally don’t. and as a friend once said” the only faithful man is the one that allah ma gu6 wa7dah bint kalb fi 6reejah”
Sorry the last comment was in reply to lady J
you have to pay me for using my shoes.
Elegance, big.
We simply love women, what can i say :)
Dear AyyA,
Perhaps it is hard to lump and generalize issues of intimacy and relationships into MEN and WOMEN. For though most of us want to believe that... it is hard to apply to any individual.
I subscribe to Nietchze's view..that each of us has a personal history and continually evolves from there....But, I will entartain your premise and try to give you my take on why infidelity occurs.
Alfie is a fictional character. I do not know of a Man capable of loving two women. Including the more premiscuos of my friends.
Let me just say this... infedilty occurs when one believes that there is no sin involved with the action.
When one defines sin as hurting someone he cares for ... well then "Concealed infidelities, doing no injury, could be no crimes."
This is probably accurate for both sexes. The quote above is from Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who describes how a married woman was convinced to cheat on her husband, by the exact same premise.
Truly,
Misguided
Tarique
Yes, men are more animalistic but I don’t believe that it’s due to genetics or any other physiological differences; I believe it’s most likely due to conditioning.
Misguided
Very convincing and true
Mishari
Welcome aboard dear, the place is yours, so feel free to drop by anytime. I love to have your insight here.
hi ayya i love ur photos it nice keep on doing this i hope u a good luck
Thanks vinous and welcome aboard :)
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